A rant, by Angsty McSelf-Pity

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Okay, so I didn’t fill up my queue as I said I would, but meh. Who cares? I was just sitting on my couch, [at 4:30am], drinking beer [by myself], and skimming the Argos catalogue to mark the pages of the things I want to put on my Santa list [I’m 19] and suddenly realised how wrong that picture was, so I decided to do something semi productive and come on here. No real reason, just didn’t feel like wallowing any more.

So. My week has been full of drama- my own and others’- and I am a bit run down. Weeeeeelll, that’s kinda putting it lightly. But however. I have done a lot of designing over the past 2 days, though. I mean, I have never sketched so much in my life. I have cramps in my hand. Anyways, I have designed a lot of dresses and done some begging, and it seems that Why A Taxi is honestly viable. I mean I have confidence in it. And given my serious lack of any confidence whatsoever in anything I do/strive to do/try to do, that is saying a lot. I shall get started on some prototypes pretty soon- as in next week- so that I can get pictures up and get the Tumblr page going. [And also so that I can wear them, but yeah.]

I’m getting my head sorted out too. I mean there is the whole ‘getting-my-shit-in-order’ thing, but I really need to sit down and think about what I’m going to do next year. I want to tell my parents that I was looking at a course in Limerick, where I can do a portfolio and then hopefully get into NCAD or somewhere similar. I really love creating, and I would love to do it for the rest of my life. But, they’re paying for it and such. Plus, my dad disappointed is the worst thing ever. He wants me to do science or something similar. I can understand why, but I just really don’t know. Maybe I’m just caught up in the idea of the store that I can’t really make a proper decision. I don’t know.

Anyways, I think I shall return to my solitary catalogue browsing. This has been a rant. Nos da~

Just general filler-ey goings on, asif anyone cares. [Yay, queue-post!]

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So just an update on the megasuperawesomeepicphuntimes I got up to over the last week.

I went to a Hallowe’en/birthday party at my friend, Andie’s on Monday. I was dressed as a Slytherin student,’ cept with the typical pigtails and blouse open down to my crotch under a v-neck :’) Got talking to a very tall guy in a purple suit [Brian, I think?] who is a fellow Slytherin. We then mocked Jemma cos she couldn’t speak Parseltongue, as ya do, then promised to add him on Pottermore.

Tuesday was pretty uneventful, just spent the day clearing up after Monday. Also spoke to a mostly nekkid Anna on Skype with Jemma while eating Haribo :’) On Wednesday, I went to Dublin and hung out with Vikki and Kevin. There was much hugging and giggling, and some very wierd, yet awesome conversations. Then I got my tragus pierced and Viks got her nose done. Then we went to Starbucks, then on to buy some games and basically just walked around in the rain. As ya do. Then I was coning home on the bus and was afraid that I’d gotten on the Bettystown one by accident and panicked until we reached Drogheda. Turned out the people in front of me had gotten on the wrong bus, not me. I would have laughed, ‘cept I was kinda panicking 5 minutes previously.

Thursday was uneventful also, just spent it getting some stuff sorted with Jemma about the store thing. Friday, I got up at 1 pm [as ya do] and got ready and met Chelsie at the bus stop at 3, brought her back to mah house, gave her the tour, then we got pizza and watched Sherlock til my dad came to collect us at about 9. Then I came home, did more setting up/sorting/research/sketching for the store, drank tea til 6.30am and finally decided to sleep.

And thus was my week. So exciting, I know. Bitches can’t handle me. But it’s better than nothing. Hopefully I can go to Mullingar this week, or the week after. It all depends on money really. I’m going to Eirtakon and I’m kinda busy doing prep stuff for that this week, so most likely I won’t get to go til next week. But sure how and ever, all shall be sorted. Hopefully. Though knowing my luck, I’ll be mauled be a giant mutant ant or something on my way to the train station.

Anyhooooo… Until tomorrow, adieu~

Hermits UNITE!

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I am so fed up of people right now. People with their problems and their backstabbing, their jealousy and immaturity, their ignorance and their lies. They say one thing and mean another, I try to give them what they want and it’s never good enough. Some people moan about you not wanting a relationship, where as others shun you for trying.

I am just SICK to the teeth of it. I try and be happy, but it’s seen as selfish, but then I try to please everybody and I end up frustrated. I just try to find a balance, try to make things stable, but I always end up hurting someone. I’m not Superwoman, for Thor’s sake.  It’s actually gotten to the point where I’m not even trying anymore, and I’m sort of drawing the ones with the least complications closer. I feel so selfish for doing it, but to be honest, it’s either that or getting my dad’s shotgun. For me or them… that part of the plan is still a bit foggy.

So I’m done with people for a while I think. I’m going to focus on getting the non-social aspects of my life in order, throw myself into designing and creating, maybe start jogging again too. I’m probably going to be a total recluse for the summer, working [hopefully], sleeping and eating. Maybe I’ll buy a snake. I’ll have my own Nagini. I’m a Slytherin, we all know Parseltongue. Fuck people, I’ll just need my snake.

So yeah, it’s a hermit’s life for me. I’ll probably still tweet non-stop about my insomnia, what I’m eating and whether it tastes good, but other than that I’ll be in my room the whole time. Well except for when I need to post things, assuming ‘Why A Taxi’ takes off. Fingers crossed. But I’m getting off the point again.

Anyways, this has been a rant. Don’t get too concerned about it, I’ll probably be a big ball of sunshine tomorrow. Welllll………. Maybe the day after. Or the day after… I digress. Point, what is?

Okay, imma conclude this word spewing. Nos da~

 

 

Coincidences are funny things, aren’t they.

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I mean, have you ever realised that when you hear a phrase, or watch a show for the first time in a long time, it seems to be everywhere? Like last week I was watching Freakazoid and there was a voice-actor in it who played the grandfather in Spy Kids, then a few days later I watched Repo: The Genetic Opera and the one who plays Carmen is in it, and then I was watching Night at The Museum today, and the one who plays the mum is in it, and my sister started talking about Spy Kids 4D the other day. I was also watching Norm Abram’s show with my dad for the first time in a year, and then the next day I saw the episode of Freakazoid he was in. It was just sooooooo weird.

The same goes for drama. I could drift along for about a month with nothing going on, just nice, boring normalness, but then -WHAM– everything, and I mean everything, goes kaput. I tend to just shut down for about 2 days at least, and sometimes much more if I have nothing to distract me. Like the store for instance. And getting everything done for Friday. Thank Thor for my determination to prove my mother wrong, or I could have been in a serious funk for about 2 weeks. Yayyyyy self-pity /sarcasm.

But yeah, also getting organised is helping distract me.  I’m making a conscious effort to keep things tidy in my room, I’m going out of my way to file things properly and even just keep deadlines and ideas in order in my head. It seems to be working so far on making me less stressed. Maybe it’s just because I’m busy, but I find that I don’t want to kill everybody in my house this weekend. I usually want to shoot at least somebody, but no. I’d settle for maiming instead.

So basically what I’m saying is that in just 2 days, things have started looking up. Actually having a goal seems to be looking up. Though that pep talk Jemma gave me, where she handed me 1,000 metaphorical euros and asked what I’d give her for that, really helped a lot. Figured out what I’d like to do as a viable job. If your interested in her counselling services, she also does dream analysis for €50 a session, but I wouldn’t expect any more than ‘Your dream means that you’re afraid of something and of death and *insert random person from your dream here* represents this fear’. You wouldn’t need any more sessions. Ever. Just apply that to every dream you ever have. It’s all you ever need. I swear she could write horoscopes.

I’ve gotten way off the point, but however. That is all for tonight. Nos da~

[p.s. Welsh seems to be my go to language for saying goodnight. I have no idea why. Though it’s probably because I wish I could speak Welsh. Such a funny language :’) Anyways, again- Nos da.]

Today, in a nutshell.

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Could my family be and more supportive? I THINK NOT! /sarcasm

I mentioned the online store idea to my dad and he just kinda nodded, and passed it off as one of my little projects. He didn’t even ask me about it. My sister didn’t get why I was doing it at all. And the mother said it was a stupid idea and that I was wasting my time and “her” money. I don’t even…

Anyways, I slept from 7am to 11am, got up and made a fry-up for all of la famille, then dressed and went outside to take my frustration out on some logs. The anger had been building steadily up for about a week, so hacking wood to bits with a hatchet was rather therapeutic.

I then came inside, discussed my future in 3rd level education with the parents. It was like banging my head against a brick wall that had been re-inforced with steel and has metal spikes sticking out of it. I then resigned myself to the internet til my little brother, Harry, came in dragging a duvet and demanded that we “have a cuggle and watch some Doctorrr on the ‘puter”. That child makes everything better.

Then, when he fell asleep, I went back to the internet, and decided to knit some cup-warmers. As ya do. I then drew FIM pony versions of people and listened to Benedict Cumberbatch’s wonderful voice for about an hour, cos I’m just that hxc. I also despaired at the fact that I left my 3 new ps2 games in Dundalk, but then realized that I probably wouldn’t have gotten anything useful done if I hadn’t.

I love procrastinating so much. Though in fairness, I think even work I’m putting into organising stuff for the store is procrastination too. I’m doing it, rather than focussing on getting an actual job or applying for courses or exams -siiigh- Well at least it’s kinda productive.

Anyways, enough of this. Off to sketch some more and drink about a 253478645387 cups of tea. Buonanotte~

So my life is a bit all over the place.

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I said I was gonna queue some posts, but life kinda got in the way of me posting at all sooo~

Um, BIG NEWS! I have no idea what I want to do next year. Again. I was all set on going back to do the maths repeat and possibly do something in physics, but I’m not so sure any more. I was looking at a fashion course in Limerick [I know, a bit of a 360° turn-about, but hey.] that really seems like my thaaang, yanno? They do a portfolio in the 1st yr them you can use that as a stepping stone into other fashion courses in other colleges and stuff that are linked to it. It all seems a pretty sweet deal, but I really don’t know. Not looking forward to discussing it with the rentals, in any case.

But anyways, the thing that actually got me thinking about a course with a portfolio in the first place is the idea of setting up an online store for nerdy merch and hand-made costumes. I was talking to Jemma, my housemate about it, and she has actually helped me take it seriously and start developing some proper ideas. We’re planning to go to Eirtakon next Friday, wearing some of my costumes and handmade jewellery, and carry about some plushies I’ve made, along with some of Jem’s drawings and such. Try and generate some interest, yanno? Be all ‘Look at our stuff, it’s so awesome. Now go and place orders plz’. We’ve even designed a logo, and done up business card type things to hand out. I’m quite excited about the whole thing if I’m honest.

I just want to get started so I can generate some kind of income, and start to get back on my feet again. I’ve had a feeling of helplessness recently, that I can’t quite shake, but I think if I do something useful, things might start to look up. I’m pretty dedicated, and I’ve gotten pretty far with the plans in the past few days. I’d always loved to have done something like this, and [like I told Jem] nobody had really taken me seriously about it before.

So, moving swiftly on, I shall have Why A Taxi’s Tumblr and Facebook page up and running by tomorrow hopefully. I’ll post links, along with some pics of sketches and possibly our logo.

Until then, nos da~

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